Mop was somehow convinced that his fiasco of a date (with that weird girl, who if you ask me deserved it) had angered the planets. He was in constant fear of their wrath. So much that he would stick to us like gum. I didn't mind, what are friends for after all.(And the "will-give-u-a chocolate-if-u-accompany-me" deal was too good to lose)......
My granny used to tell me that long ago, when all humans were happily asleep and the world was in bliss, demons descended to the earth, got plastic surgery done and settled as humans(she used to say “transformed with a whoosh” but this is realistic). She used to point at my grandpa as an example.
There was one such demon in my class. It was a she-demon. It's favorite pastime was being a complaint box. Like the other day....
Teacher: (not-again expression) Who broke my chair??
Everyone:umm..uhh...umm..uhhh
Teacher: (god-save-me expression) WWWho broke my chair?
Everyone:umm..uhh..ummm...uhh
Demon: (squeaking) I know ma'am..
Teacher: (finally-a-witness expression) who, who is it? Don't fear my child..tell me
Demon: (squeaking) Its that thin thin thin fellow beside Mop..
(Now, it was not like I was a flagpole or something, I was just slim; skinny to be closer to truth)
Teacher: grrrrrrrrrrrr...
Me: (to teacher)it wasn't me ma'am
(to mop at the same time) Mop, the time to prove your friendship has come....
Demon: he's lying
Mop:(confused)....
Me; It was Mop ma'am.
Teacher:(shouting like she did when she sat on the broken chair) MOPPPPPP !@##
Mop:(very confused)uumm.uhhh
Demon: he's lying
Me: Mop remember, A friend in need is a..Mop remember remember
Mop:(very much confused)
Teacher: excitedly shouting about the next parent teacher conference (ufff..i hate those)
Me: (shouting in Mop's ear)MOOPPPPP..a friend in need, a friend in need...
Demon: he's lying
Mop:(too much pressure on his brain)Ma'am ..ummm...I..I'll tell a story.
Teacher:(cautious now) what??
Mop: (goes into a trance)like.., there was this cute boy and girl..
Me:(hissing in Mop's ear) shut up: please shut up: pleeeeeeeez.
Demon: he's lying.
Mop: (still in trance)they go on this date and are eating eating
Me:(still hissing) shut up or I wont give you company..
Mop(comes out of trance and shuts up)
Me: (exhausted)well, okay It was me...
Teacher:(her fingers trembling with excitement) call your parents!..
Demon:(jumping)boo boo
Me:(to myself) every dog has its day. I'll get you demon, I'll get you someday...
The parent-teacher conference happened. I was able to convince my dad that I was interested in carpentry. I was kicked around a lot for wanting to be a carpenter.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Mr.Mop's date
I am going to write about Mop's escapades a little more. Hey!, don't get the wrong impression. I am no Dr.Watson to this guy. And he's definitely not Sherlock Holmes. If there is ever a cool guy wearing a cap in my blog, it's got to be me. I look extra-cool wearing a cap.
After the PT master issue, the mental prowess of Mop was accepted by everyone. No one bothered him with too many questions or tricky problems.
(there is a rumor that one of Mop's close friends spread a rumor about Mop being attacked by a Dracula and Mop losing his brains....dunno who would think of such a cheap rumour, huh)
However, there was this one girl who had a weirdly different look at things,. She somehow managed to misread Mop's stupidity as bravery and reckless courage ( that must have been one Dracula-addled brain). So suddenly the campus idiot was her Indiana Jones. When Mop would go around the ground searching for his nuts, she would follow him eagerly.
I once happened to witness a conversation between them.( Mop, for whatever reason, thought she was going to stab him and hence he wouldn't let me leave the scene. I stood by his side, mopping his sweating forehead the whole time). Now how that talk ended with both of them deciding to visit the school canteen the next day(Mop was totally out of money today) is a story I'll save for later.
I happened to witness their weird-date in our stinky canteen.(If you are irritatingly curious to know why I was there, u may assume that I was recording the scene on my cam).
Conversation over a plate of stinky samosas and two glasses of lemon water (Mop wanted it to be grand, but his stingy alter-ego wouldn't even allow pepsi)..
She: you're are soooo cool Mop, no one can say such a thing to our PT master
Mop: hehehehe (mopping his forehead and looking for escape routes in case she had a knife)
She: you are soooooo quiet Mop, say something....
Mop well....hehehhehe (more sweating)
She: puhleeeeeeese...
(You must understand that when Mop's brain is subjected to too much pressure, he tends to copy other people's stuff)
Mop: uh..er..I..I'll tell you a story...
She: (excited) ooooooooh
Mop: (hesitatingly)There was once this cute girl and this guy....
She(with a girlish expression): oooh, soooo sweeeeeeeeeeeet...
Mop: They go on a date to this nice restaurant and they are eating and eating..
She: ooooooooooooooh(irritatingly girlish now)
Mop(gaining confidence): They are eating and eating and..... this is the suspence.....
Mop:shall i tell you...
She: commmonnnnn.....
Mop(grinning): i am telling you...i am breaking the suspense.
She(stupid expression, even worse than girlish): puhleeeeese tell me....do they fly in the air and start dancing...
Mop(all excited now):nah, that bollywood. Here....the guy is actually a DRACULA!!!! He suddenly bends over and bites her head off....
She (speechless):...
Mop:(eagerly)There's more! He flies home, spits here her head out and starts examining it...
That the end of the story.
(there were rumours that she puked all over him and ran away crying uncontrollably.)
I did kick Mop hard for being such an ass...
How dare he make a cheap copy of my story?!...
After the PT master issue, the mental prowess of Mop was accepted by everyone. No one bothered him with too many questions or tricky problems.
(there is a rumor that one of Mop's close friends spread a rumor about Mop being attacked by a Dracula and Mop losing his brains....dunno who would think of such a cheap rumour, huh)
However, there was this one girl who had a weirdly different look at things,. She somehow managed to misread Mop's stupidity as bravery and reckless courage ( that must have been one Dracula-addled brain). So suddenly the campus idiot was her Indiana Jones. When Mop would go around the ground searching for his nuts, she would follow him eagerly.
I once happened to witness a conversation between them.( Mop, for whatever reason, thought she was going to stab him and hence he wouldn't let me leave the scene. I stood by his side, mopping his sweating forehead the whole time). Now how that talk ended with both of them deciding to visit the school canteen the next day(Mop was totally out of money today) is a story I'll save for later.
I happened to witness their weird-date in our stinky canteen.(If you are irritatingly curious to know why I was there, u may assume that I was recording the scene on my cam).
Conversation over a plate of stinky samosas and two glasses of lemon water (Mop wanted it to be grand, but his stingy alter-ego wouldn't even allow pepsi)..
She: you're are soooo cool Mop, no one can say such a thing to our PT master
Mop: hehehehe (mopping his forehead and looking for escape routes in case she had a knife)
She: you are soooooo quiet Mop, say something....
Mop well....hehehhehe (more sweating)
She: puhleeeeeeese...
(You must understand that when Mop's brain is subjected to too much pressure, he tends to copy other people's stuff)
Mop: uh..er..I..I'll tell you a story...
She: (excited) ooooooooh
Mop: (hesitatingly)There was once this cute girl and this guy....
She(with a girlish expression): oooh, soooo sweeeeeeeeeeeet...
Mop: They go on a date to this nice restaurant and they are eating and eating..
She: ooooooooooooooh(irritatingly girlish now)
Mop(gaining confidence): They are eating and eating and..... this is the suspence.....
Mop:shall i tell you...
She: commmonnnnn.....
Mop(grinning): i am telling you...i am breaking the suspense.
She(stupid expression, even worse than girlish): puhleeeeese tell me....do they fly in the air and start dancing...
Mop(all excited now):nah, that bollywood. Here....the guy is actually a DRACULA!!!! He suddenly bends over and bites her head off....
She (speechless):...
Mop:(eagerly)There's more! He flies home, spits here her head out and starts examining it...
That the end of the story.
(there were rumours that she puked all over him and ran away crying uncontrollably.)
I did kick Mop hard for being such an ass...
How dare he make a cheap copy of my story?!...
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Mr.Mop
I have decided that like great authors, I'll also write fiction based on incidents I've seen and claim that its all fiction. I'll keep doing this till I find a better topic to write on. Not to worry people, I promise that I'll camouflage your real identities to my best and save you the trouble of inflicting pain on me, physical or otherwise.
To start with, I must confess that I wasn't this great, intelligent, smart fellow always. (Comments on this sentences will not be accepted. This is the only true sentence in this post.) I also made silly mistakes and displayed a small degree of stupidity in my childhood like any other kid.( I know its hard to believe). I had a friend named.......well to keep up the above mentioned promise,lets just call him Mr.Mop.
He would always steal the “moments of wonderfully overwhelmingly stupidity” from the gang. Like when the school bullies would tell us to get lost from the ground, Mop would insist we all just play the background music while he faces them all alone. He would be bragging later that he managed to bravely wave his hands and legs at them before he fainted and that he would get them one day.
However, his specialty was hitting the world with bolts of stupidity at times when mortals like us would think nothing can go wrong. He would take everyone by surprise, out of the blue.
Like everywhere, the physical training 'master' in our school was the most dreaded person. Maybe because I was a short fellow, he always looked like a huge angry tower to me. Three or four towers put together would be better description.
(There used to be a rumor that he used to be a sumo wrestler before he joined our school.)
( There used to be another rumor that he was disqualified due to overweight and height).
Coming back, no one would dare look our PT master in the eye, forget about laughing at his totally bald, shiny head. The reason behind the perennial grimace on his face and his antipathy towards fellow humans was a mystery.( There was a rumor on this too...that our master's wife was an even larger sumo wrestler and that he volunteered to be her lifelong punch bag).
Here's what Mop did. On one sunny day that went on to be extremely hot and sultry, after an especially painful PT session, the bell rang. Now to change classes all the students and teachers had to cross the ground. Amidst such action, Mop's curiosity reached a new high. He suddenly shouted,
“Sir, at what age did you lose your hair? Why don't you try hair transplant, I saw the Ad on TV yesterday”.
Fortunately for Mop, there were too many witnesses around, so all that the dreaded sumo could do was wrench his lips into something resembling a smile and leave.
There was another episode in which we were in a bank and Mop, mustering the most sinister smile he could manage, went up to an old man and said, "Thats a lot of cash in your bag (pause for effect) uncle, (again pause for effect) must be heavy".
We barely escaped that day.
After such enlightening episodes, we all learnt to be ready for Mop's brainwaves, half expecting him to go up to the local policeman and ask him if he was really a policeman of a thief in disguise.
To start with, I must confess that I wasn't this great, intelligent, smart fellow always. (Comments on this sentences will not be accepted. This is the only true sentence in this post.) I also made silly mistakes and displayed a small degree of stupidity in my childhood like any other kid.( I know its hard to believe). I had a friend named.......well to keep up the above mentioned promise,lets just call him Mr.Mop.
He would always steal the “moments of wonderfully overwhelmingly stupidity” from the gang. Like when the school bullies would tell us to get lost from the ground, Mop would insist we all just play the background music while he faces them all alone. He would be bragging later that he managed to bravely wave his hands and legs at them before he fainted and that he would get them one day.
However, his specialty was hitting the world with bolts of stupidity at times when mortals like us would think nothing can go wrong. He would take everyone by surprise, out of the blue.
Like everywhere, the physical training 'master' in our school was the most dreaded person. Maybe because I was a short fellow, he always looked like a huge angry tower to me. Three or four towers put together would be better description.
(There used to be a rumor that he used to be a sumo wrestler before he joined our school.)
( There used to be another rumor that he was disqualified due to overweight and height).
Coming back, no one would dare look our PT master in the eye, forget about laughing at his totally bald, shiny head. The reason behind the perennial grimace on his face and his antipathy towards fellow humans was a mystery.( There was a rumor on this too...that our master's wife was an even larger sumo wrestler and that he volunteered to be her lifelong punch bag).
Here's what Mop did. On one sunny day that went on to be extremely hot and sultry, after an especially painful PT session, the bell rang. Now to change classes all the students and teachers had to cross the ground. Amidst such action, Mop's curiosity reached a new high. He suddenly shouted,
“Sir, at what age did you lose your hair? Why don't you try hair transplant, I saw the Ad on TV yesterday”.
Fortunately for Mop, there were too many witnesses around, so all that the dreaded sumo could do was wrench his lips into something resembling a smile and leave.
There was another episode in which we were in a bank and Mop, mustering the most sinister smile he could manage, went up to an old man and said, "Thats a lot of cash in your bag (pause for effect) uncle, (again pause for effect) must be heavy".
We barely escaped that day.
After such enlightening episodes, we all learnt to be ready for Mop's brainwaves, half expecting him to go up to the local policeman and ask him if he was really a policeman of a thief in disguise.
Iam gonna write, no matter what
Like all bloggers, I alwayz wanted to write. But unlike them, I never knew what to write about.
Maybe Iam bad at choosing topics or god wanted my to write all the bad things he didnt want to be blamed for.
For whatever reason, things I found inspiring and safe to write always turned out to be trouble.
Like that time when I thought the sweet, beautiful aunty next door deserved a poem. I was ten then and she always gave me choclates. That was the least I could do. Something I would never understand is why that peom ended with a verbose battle between my dad and 'uncle next door' and my dad thrashing me. That poem was destroyed and I dont recollect it now. Man, that must have been a really effective poem.
Nevertheless,I continued my atempts at writing I also got a chance to read out one of them to my class. Alas, I was half way through it when my teacher felt it was a cheap copy of 'dracula' and few other horror movies that she refused to name. That they were also cheap or 'not so enriching' was all she would say. How was I to know that ppl around the globe was making cheap copies of my storiesand making millions. Anywayz, like all sad endings, my teaher had a talk with my dad. I hate parent teacher conferences! Since then, my creativity was regularly discouraged at home.
But I had to write on something. A good topic is all i need to write a bestseller. I've already thought of autobiography. But nah, my life is not so exciting. It's not like I was kidnapped twice and escaped on my own both times. Neither was I ever bitten by a lion or tamed one. I've never been in the army or mafia. My proudest accomplishment was 'extra' in the basket ball team. I was also awarded the 'best student' badge on stage and 'teachers pet' badge backstage. The second badge had a few more names for me, but that's not the point.
As my first post I thought i would write abt the lines girls came up with to refuse my friend's proposal. It would have made an excellent blog. Its even worthy of a movie. It has all the lines from
"Sorry, i always saw u as a friend" to
"Sorry, i always saw u as a brother" to
"What abt her, i thought u were after her" to
"You, of all people, hah" to
"girl shrieking "NNNOOOOOOOOO" and girl and her friends runnig away crying hysterically".
Nothing could go wrong here, my friend was the lead character and many female characters around him. That they were rejecting was a totally different issue. He would'nt mind that, he's an optmistic fellow.
Unfortunately, my friend turned out to not-so-optimistic, barbaric-when-angry fellow and hence this had to be my first post.
One of these days, i'll kill him with the poisonous virus that iam working on and then you'll get to read his full story.
Maybe Iam bad at choosing topics or god wanted my to write all the bad things he didnt want to be blamed for.
For whatever reason, things I found inspiring and safe to write always turned out to be trouble.
Like that time when I thought the sweet, beautiful aunty next door deserved a poem. I was ten then and she always gave me choclates. That was the least I could do. Something I would never understand is why that peom ended with a verbose battle between my dad and 'uncle next door' and my dad thrashing me. That poem was destroyed and I dont recollect it now. Man, that must have been a really effective poem.
Nevertheless,I continued my atempts at writing I also got a chance to read out one of them to my class. Alas, I was half way through it when my teacher felt it was a cheap copy of 'dracula' and few other horror movies that she refused to name. That they were also cheap or 'not so enriching' was all she would say. How was I to know that ppl around the globe was making cheap copies of my storiesand making millions. Anywayz, like all sad endings, my teaher had a talk with my dad. I hate parent teacher conferences! Since then, my creativity was regularly discouraged at home.
But I had to write on something. A good topic is all i need to write a bestseller. I've already thought of autobiography. But nah, my life is not so exciting. It's not like I was kidnapped twice and escaped on my own both times. Neither was I ever bitten by a lion or tamed one. I've never been in the army or mafia. My proudest accomplishment was 'extra' in the basket ball team. I was also awarded the 'best student' badge on stage and 'teachers pet' badge backstage. The second badge had a few more names for me, but that's not the point.
As my first post I thought i would write abt the lines girls came up with to refuse my friend's proposal. It would have made an excellent blog. Its even worthy of a movie. It has all the lines from
"Sorry, i always saw u as a friend" to
"Sorry, i always saw u as a brother" to
"What abt her, i thought u were after her" to
"You, of all people, hah" to
"girl shrieking "NNNOOOOOOOOO" and girl and her friends runnig away crying hysterically".
Nothing could go wrong here, my friend was the lead character and many female characters around him. That they were rejecting was a totally different issue. He would'nt mind that, he's an optmistic fellow.
Unfortunately, my friend turned out to not-so-optimistic, barbaric-when-angry fellow and hence this had to be my first post.
One of these days, i'll kill him with the poisonous virus that iam working on and then you'll get to read his full story.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
